Hello lovely friends and family!

The creative juices are flowing and I'm back already! It's been an interesting time - I've been ill, got better, finished the little house, started fasting and dancing, and slept out twice!

I left off last time about to go to Tarabein to hopefully swim with the dolphin. It was lovely to get out of Dahab, even just for one night, and we had a great time. In the corner of the bay is a large sanddune, and we did yoga on there as the sun set, and slept on it so we were woken again with the sun. It was beautiful. We did lots of snorkelling and on the Sunday Michele and I both spotted a large turtle - she while snorkelling in the morning along the coral, and me when it came to say hello when I was swimming way out in the bay! I normally miss all the exciting things that others see on dives, such as turtles, octopus or rare fish, so I was doubly excited when I realised the turtle was swimming towards me and then swam with me for a few minutes too! What a treat!

Unfortunately we didn't get to see the dolphin I told you about in my last diary and on my return to Dahab a friend told me that she had recently been found dead, with a hole right through her. They thought it might have been from a spear, but then they found her baby, with a bullet lodged in it's side, thankfully still alive and the only conclusion can be that someone was trying to kill them both and the mother died in the attempt to save her baby. I don't know if it's true, and really cannot fathom why anyone would do such a thing - one theory is that the bedouins were worried that she was eating too many fish. However, she brought to much tourism and money to the area, that they must have been extremely short-sighted to have held this view. It's so sad that she's died in such a brutal way after bringing so much joy to so many people, not to mention healing the bedouin boy with whom she became famous. I can't imagine the bad karma that will be on whoever killed her.

Anyway, back to me... I felt pretty tired while we were up there, and slept lots in between food, yoga and swimming! When I got back I realised that I had a stomach infection again, and it brought me down really quickly. I felt tired, lethargic, emotional, and had no motivation or enthusiasm for anything. And that's not going into any of the physical symptoms!!! Having been so ill last time (I now know it was also a bacterial infection) I decided to take the medication that my consultant in the UK had given me, and literally within hours I was feeling better. I know I'm normally anti-medication as drugs can do as much harm as they do good, but this time I was happy to concede that sometimes it's the better way to go. So, I'm feeling better again and am totally back on form, even better than before!

I don't know whether it was a symptom of the infection, or more a symptom of the change in my behaviour as a result of the infection, but I found all the confidence, security and groundedness that I'd been enjoying since returning to Dahab, completely disappeared. I found myself craving emails from the men who I knew liked me and had left Dahab - I was logging on up to three times a day. As well as this being unhealthy for me in that I'm constantly looking outside of myself for approval, I know that my laptop is something I hide behind when I'm down, rather than living, and I'm trying to wean myself off it, apart from the PR and yoga website. I found that I wasn't in touch with what I wanted to do. The daily swims completely stopped for a week, I mooched around, was tearful and my mood seemed to be far too dependent on whether I'd got an email or not. I know so many people look at me and think I'm so sorted, together, strong and all the rest of it - and I am, until it comes to men. Michele, who is a really honest and truthful person, gave me some feedback - she felt when she met me that I would be the kind of woman who completely changes when she has a boyfriend. Hmmm, my response what that I don't change with regard to my friends, I continue to socialise and spend time with them (feedback from friends who disagree with this would be very welcome!), but I know that I change in the relationship itself, so that I put myself second to the other person's wishes, and try to second-guess what my response SHOULD be rather than being connected to myself and speaking my truth. Interestingly my mother said that she was like that for many years with my father, scared he'd leave her if she disagreed with him on any issues. When she finally did stand her ground, it was such a shock to the relationship that they temporarily split up. However, despite a rocky time they managed to get back together and are now far stronger and more in love than I've ever known them to be, which is wonderful. I just need to try and stay grounded from the start, rather than suddenly waking up after however many years and giving my partner the shock of his life by becoming the woman he originally fell in love with!!! I can always be that woman!

The result of this realisation is to return to a more inward looking lifestyle for a while. September is always the time when I cleanse my body and I'm going to do a yogic 40 day fast, eating only fruits, veg and nuts. I'm already eight days in and so far, so good - the amazing selection of fresh, delicious, CHEAP (about £4.50 for six kilos of fruit including mangos, guavas, apples, bananas, figs, dates, melons...) makes it very do-able! It's a great opportunity also to take stock of my relationship with myself - how I nurture myself, not only physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually too. I'm having early nights and reading lots, have returned to the daily swims and have even upped the stakes to twice across the bay and back, which is a good 40 minute swim, and am returning to daily meditation and pampering (I give myself a foot massage after each meditation - lovely and great for grounding myself again). The book I'm currently reading, which I really recommend is 'The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying'. It had been jumping off the shelves at me in bookshops for ages and so I finally decided to buy it. It appears quite a daunting read at over 400 pages, but the philosophy - my first foray into Buddhism - just resonates so strongly with what I believe that it's like having a conversation with a really old friend with whom I see eye to eye on everything (I'm getting visions of Basil Fawlty's wife - what's her name? - on the phone saying, 'I know, I know, I know, oooh I know' - that's kind of how I feel with this book!). It's deepening my understanding of my own being, and has stimulated a desire in me to return to being vegetarian (for those who don't know, I was veggie for 15 years and only took up meat again three years ago when I was ill and needed to feed my body more protein). It's also reawakening my need to learn. Dahab is a bit of a vacuum in terms of personal development and I'm finding a really strong pull to develop the healing part of my self. I'm currently looking into massage and in particular ayurvedic courses, although a doula massage course is also reminding me of my original goal to retrain to become an independent midwife. There is just so much in the world that I could do, would be good at and would be motivated by - where to start??? If any of you have any ideas or suggestions, I'd love to hear them. In the meantime, I'll continue with my online research and reading at home.

As well as the swimming I'm really connecting with my physical body on a number of levels. A dance class has started up on Sunday mornings. I've only been once so far, but I really enjoyed it and I felt full of joy and energy for the rest of the day. OK, as an ex-aerobics instructor it wasn't terribly challenging, but it was great to move my body in a different way and be taught. It made such a difference to my mood and energy levels that the next morning I jumped out of bed, put Robbie Williams on full blast and danced around the house in my bikini for an hour - Noura didn't know what had got into me but joined in in her own bitey way anyway!!! I'm also helping my close friend and fellow yoga teacher (Ashtanga), Jana, as she's hurt her back and can't work, either as a yoga teacher or diving instructor, so I've offered to be her body for as long as she needs me. While Ashtanga isn't my thing, I'm enjoying supporting her (she offered to pay me, but I see it as 'seva' - selfless actions that serve the community - and good karma!) and whether it's that or the fast, or a combination of the two, I'm far bendier than I've ever been before, which is great!

Back to Dahab... Mike left on 6th September, without having finished painting the small house, which was a huge disappointment to me. I had trusted that he would do it and I didn't make any comments about the fact that he was almost never at home and was out free diving most days. But, as with every situation that seems bad, there is always a solution waiting to step in, and this time the solution was called Michele. Having spent the weekend together in Tarabein, she and Steph had mentioned they weren't happy where they were staying so I suggested they take the small house, and I'd get someone to finish the painting. However, Michele offered to do it, and she's done an amazing job. One unfortunate side to Dahab is that people tend to be quite lethargic or apathetic - all too ready to complain that there's nothing to do, but when activities are offered, they don't bother to turn up. Michele is a breath of fresh air in this respect - she has so much energy and drive, it's wonderful to be around her. Steph is also being a great help, sweeping up camel poo from the garden and making the compound look lovely! It's so much fun to have them around - we share breakfast most days, or hang out in the garden in the evenings. They're both very funny women and great fun, as well as being good friends, who I get the sense would stick by me. Steph is unfortunately leaving next week as she's on a bit of a whistlestop tour of the world, but Michele is probably going to stay. Hurrah! She's also a real dog fan so is great with Noura and will hopefully also do a bit of training with her - so far 'sit' and 'down' work, but I haven't got any further than that!

I've also run my first Full Moon Yoga Sleepover, which I'd like to make a regular monthly event. I went up to a wadi (valley) with Michele and Steph, organised by an Egyptian I knew so that we could do yoga and meditate by the full moon. It all ended up being not as wonderful as I'd hoped as he brought beer-drinking friends with him, the meat was inedible (roll on being a veggie!), he didn't prepare our camp fire and made us collect our food ourselves and then the driver swore at us the next morning! When I went to pay, I told him I was unhappy and gave him the reasons in a very calm and rational way, and said that unless he gave us a discount (actually the original price he'd offered to take us for with six people - in the end we were six with his friends and two other guests) I wouldn't work with him again. His view was that if I go with him again he'll make it really nice. I explained that there wouldn't be another time if I had to pay the price he was asking but it appears the concept of 'customer is always right' hasn't quite filtered through to business here....

The weather is finally turning. For the past three evenings, I've felt goosepimples on my skin when I sit outside in the evenings and haven't had to soak the bedsheets in water to keep myself cool enough to be able to fall asleep! It's rather pleasant and I'm looking forward to experiencing the fulfilment of the cycle of all the seasons here as autumn and winter approach. Although for the timebeing during the day it's still beautifully hot and I spend all day in a bikini or shorts!

Anyway, I'm now off for a five day retreat up the coast in Taba. It's a healing retreat focusing on three areas; Releasing old patterns of conditioning (don't we all need that, but I feel like I've hit the ultimate pain threshold on some of mine and am dying to let go of them!); Opening and deepening the heart (imagine if everyone in the world opened their heart just a little bit more, what a huge change there could be!); and The spirit of healing (which I'm hoping will carry me forward in my resolve to retrain and carry on learning). This, supported by the astrological alignments coming up in October (http://www.yogatech.com/nmb/backissues/nmb111.html) which brings a solar eclipse on the new moon on 3rd and a lunar eclipse on 17th, which apparently force us to face relationship issues we've so far been unable to address, should be an amazing time for me! But although all the support is there, I know I won't make the changes unless I make the shift in consciousness, which I've so far failed to make. I'm so excited about it, and feel that this, the yoga, the fast, the retreat, the stars are all directing me undeniably on my path toward my destiny. It's so strong and too much to ignore. Who knows what the next diary will bring.....

I look forward to reporting in next time, until then, nurture yourselves on all levels, and enjoy every new day and every new experience that comes to you!

All my love

xxxx

Sara